Despite my apparently cheerful demeanour, I’ve been in
somewhat of a rut during the last few weeks, so I haven’t been writing.
Now, bear with me: I didn’t plan for this blog to be a personal diary. I’ve
already spilt plenty of ink over petty sorrows in my time. In the past, I’ve wasted
pages upon pages whining and griping about some perceived partisanship or
another. That stage in my life is over now (thank god) but I have been feeling miserable – and I
think I need to own up!
I’ve been working incredibly hard since I finished University,
and it feels like the adult I envisioned myself to be – a creative,
fascinating, enviable girl - couldn’t be further from reality. I’m too lazy to
cook dinner, let alone paint a stirring triptych or write that ground breaking
novel. I sleep-walk to work and sit numbly at a desk for nine hours. At home, I
slump on the sofa until it hits 11pm and it’s socially acceptable for me to be
unconscious. It’s not much of a life!
It is really difficult to diagnose the source of this great
malaise. By many benchmarks, I am ‘successful’. I have a mortgage and a
permanent job, which is UNHEARD OF according to the daily mail. I am also university
educated, in a long-term relationship and a size ten. I tick a lot of boxes.
There’s nothing wrong with my life
but I don’t feel ‘fulfilled’. Now, how on earth does a 24-year-old go about achieving
that?
If you’re to believe social media, there are two strategies:
Get rich & buy Dom P (impossible, really:
you don’t become a CEO overnight)
Go travelling (also impossible: see mortgage, above)
As neither of these solutions are within my realm of
possibility, I thought I’d write my own battle plan.
1. Fix your job.
You only live once, and most of us have to work to live.
That’s why it’s so important to get it right. My weekdays are spent in an
office environment which is so, so toxic; it’s stressful, aggressive,
competitive and lonely. Anyone that says they ‘flourish in a high pressure
environment’ is a lying toad. That potted plant I water once a month is positively
thriving in comparison to me at the
moment.
So, I quit. I found myself a new job and handed in my notice straight away.
Obviously, work isn’t easy to come by, but putting your CV online and reaching
out to recruiters can work wonders.
January 2015, I will be working for a charity. Yippee! It means a pay-cut but I
also get more time off, nicer working hours, and hopefully a smug sense of
satisfaction…
2. Tell people you’re feeling down
Asking for help has never been my strong suit. I’m an
arrogant individual and I hate people to think I’m not doing well. I think it’s
a terrible combination of a British ‘stiff upper lip’ and the #hashtag #filter
#selfie generation we’ve found ourselves in. I don’t mean in a facebook status,
either: I mean have a cup of tea with a real friend, or your mother, or your
boyfriend, and say – ‘hey man, things suck’. They can’t help you, but admitting
it will motivate you to change. It also means you’re accountable. If you tell
your friend you hate your job and you’re miserable, then they’ll give you
sympathy (unless they’re a dick). If you’re still whining about it in six
months’ time, though, they’ll probably be bored stiff and won’t actually give a
damn.
In this blog post, I owned up to the ENTIRE internet. Take that, insecurities!
If you can’t tell anybody, please speak a charity or drop me
an email. I’m a great agony aunt.
3. Make a lifestyle change
I make a lot of very bad decisions. Not major life decisions,
mind (we already covered that – I’m okay at those) but small, every day choices
which seem insignificant but mount up to a lot of misery. For example, eating a
chocolate bar at 9:30am is not a horrendous choice – let’s say you’re having a
bad day so far (…all 45 minutes of it) and anyway, you’re having a salad for lunch!
THEN, you choose to eat another at 2pm because you’ve had a sugar crash, and
that salad was balls, and then you have another at 4pm because the day is going
REALLY slowly and you’ve already fallen off the wagon once today. You know
what, substitute the pronoun ‘you’ for ‘I’ – no one deserves to be tarred with
those crimes against a waistline.
Therefore, I have decided to give up sugar. Yup, sugar. That beautiful, evil
substance. I’ve decided to quit it, because I use it as an emotional crutch, an
energy boost, an excuse, a treat… I’m rather dependent on it.
…I’ll start in January
I always tell people I love to write, paint and draw – but I’m
a fraud! I haven’t really done any art since last Christmas, when I did some
cards for family and friends. I only doodle at work, but it’s all the same
rehashed stuff. My writing has been reduced to these blogs – and it’s not enough,
really. Not enough to call myself a ‘creative’ person.
Therefore, I am going to spend four hours a week doing
something creative. If I can spend four hours in the gym, I can spend four
hours making art
5. Work on your social life
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| Go Mammoth is a company that organises sport for adults |
The problem with living in your University town is that it’s
incredibly transient. My friends have been coming and going for the last two
years and although everyone plans on ‘sticking around’, I’ve lost too many friends
– to London, mostly, but also to Paris and Madrid. My bestest-bestie-4ever now lives
in Athens, GA. Although the magical wonderful internet has made keeping in touch
easier, I still miss hanging out. Therefore, I’m on a quest to extend my social
sphere in 2015. You can’t just wish for friends – you have to seek them out.
I plan to go to life-drawing classes and join a sports team or club - there are loads about. These activities
are expensive but they should be worth it
6. Turn off your Phone
I spend too much time on Instagram. I’m going to hold up my
hand and admit it. I waste hours flicking and scrolling and double-tapping. I am
a very passive user – I rarely take photos – yet for some reason, I’m hooked. I
use the site as a point of comparison, so I can weigh up my meagre life against
the carefully orchestrated and impeccably staged photographs of an insta-sleb.
Gah!
Facebook is more of the same – a thumb flick reassures me that yes, my
acquaintances ARE enjoying their Tuesday lunch time more than me.
Then, there’s the constant waiting. Too frequently, my eyes linger and languish
on the top of my HTC, waiting for that little LED to light up and proclaim, ‘yes!
Somebody loves you!’
I am going to turn my phone off during my working day, and for a portion of my
evening. It’s not healthy and it’s not helping!
What do you think? Sensible changes or a hare-brained
scheme?
I would love to hear how you deal with a down period in your lives.
2014 marks the first December I’ve been able to spend in my own home, and I’ve really enjoyed it. T and I splashed out and bought our first real Christmas tree from Berkshire Christmas Trees, which cost us £50 including delivery and the metal stand. As we can’t drive, this was the most affordable option for us. The service was excellent; I rung up on the Friday and Sue was able to deliver on Sunday. She kept in touch via text, which was a really nice touch. We weren’t able to pick out our tree, which was a shame - our specimen was a bit bottom heavy – but the foliage was lush and dense. Overall, it was a really convenient, hassle-free experience. 
I was reluctant to spend a fortune on decorations this year. It’s been an expensive annum and I didn’t have the funds to splash out on expensive bits and bobs, so I decided to make as much of my decorations as I could. I bought some cheap twine and ribbon, and painted some keys and some pine cones white. The fox and robin were a gift from T’s parents; they’re both from John Lewis.
I always buy a Sainsbury’s Basics, unsmoked joint – as long as you put effort into your seasoning (cinnamon sticks, bay leaves, gloves, celery, onion and carrot) it tastes like the premium range.
